Incomplete Thoughts

"And when you hurt someone so much that still they die loving you."-Deep Water, Seal, 1991.
I love that line.

So I was laying in bed the other night thinking before sleep. It takes me forever to get to sleep. My mind races on and on so I can't mentally relax. I was thinking about the beginning and end of things. By things I mean everything. All. The universe. It doesn't matter if you believe God created the world in 6 days or that the Big Bang is responsible for the universe. It doesn't matter. Really. Because neither religion or science has an answer to what came before.

Think about it. God whipped everything up, but where did God come from? When?
The Big Bang popped. Great. What was the catalyst.
There had to be something before. I see why people have gone mad from thinking. It's too much to comprehend.
In "The Gunslinger", Stephen King say the Roland saw white light and then a blade of grass.
Roland says, "And I was tiny. Infinitesimal."

I get sick to my stomach when I focus on it. What if the universe is just a blade of grass in some being's yard waiting to be cut?

I know others have thought and spoken about this very subject far more eloquently and intelligently than me. That's OK. It still keeps me up at night. Human nature dictates that we search and wonder. We want to know. Maybe not everyone, but most people are curious. I want to know.

String theory.

I'm a big believer that if the human mind can come up with, then it has occurred somewhere. Magic, dragons, elves, houses that talk, giants...anything.
Maybe not here on this earth, in this universe. But in another? Absolutely.
Why not? Because you haven't seen a wizard on a mountain top wielding his magic to shape the cosmos? So. We have no real, honest to goodness proof of God, either. Yet millions of people believe in an all powerful being we call God. Or whatever your religion or language calls him, her, it. Why?

Faith. We have faith in God. But something tangible that we can hold in our hands? No. And please don't throw the bible in my face. I am a Christian. God fearing. I have faith. But the bible has been mangled by MEN for over a thousand years. Each with his own agenda in God's name.
The bible is definitely useful as rule book or guide book. You know. Live well. Treat others as you would be treated. Love God.
But, so many of the rules are written by men to control the people in their time. They aren't about the well being of all. Read up on it. Its there.

Paula, Sue & I joke about string theory all the time. But I believe its real. There is a "ME" in another dimension or universe who graduated from college and learned to levitate. In another, I die from a drug overdose. Why not?

Maybe I'm totally fucking wrong. Maybe I'll die and God will say that fleas were indeed worth dealing with and there is only one universe, dimension.
Maybe I'll die and find out there is no God. But I don't think so. I told you, I have faith. I believe.

So, where do I go from here? Back to trying to get to sleep the other night. I eventually wore my brain out and fell asleep. But I woke up with the thoughts still in my head. Usually, I live a very Walter Mitty life. Walking around, my mind flying off on numerous tangents. Thinking about saving the world. Destroying that asshole behind me, who refuses to stop tailgating me, with telekinesis. I don't dream very often, at least I can't remember what I dream when I do. And I don't tend to retain my thoughts from just before sleep, so its a little surprising that this is still running around my head. Walter Mitty has been put in the background. I suppose I'll have more to say on this later.

"All at once the ghosts come back, reeling in you now. Oh, tell me what if they came down crashing. It used to be, that you and me play for all the loneliness that nobody notices...now."-41, Dave Matthews & Tim Reynolds, 2007.
I love this one, too.